How to propose to your future spouse

Screen Shot 2014-10-31 at 9.04.12 AM Proposing to your boyfriend or girlfriend can create a lot of anxiety. Do you go ‘all out’? Do you keep it  private? Will they say yes? Do you talk to her parents first? So many questions, so many options. I found that proposing to Pam, I was VERY anxiety stricken as I took her shopping and carefully found out what kind of a ring she wanted. I asked many questions and found out how the proposal was to be set up in a way that SHE would like which was quiet and secluded with no extra bells and whistles. Pam is more of a private person and would not have liked a big dramatic presentation with tons of people around. So, that is what I learned, then I bought her a ring and set up a vacation trip to New York to stay with my uncle Larry. He had a cabin on a lake that was breathtakingly beautiful. We went in October as the the leaves were all exploding with color. I was nervous the whole time with ring in pocket. Prior to our trip I spoke to Pam’s mother and step father to gain their favor. It was given. All the plans were set in motion and Pam had no idea. As we arrived, my Aunt and Uncle was aware of the happenings and were elated to be a part of it. On the day of the proposal, I woke up early having tossed and turned all night long.  I had played the video in my head over and over of how this was going to go down. We had breakfast, did a little fishing and then, i decided to take her on a little hike with a picnic basket for lunch. I was going to find a quiet spot on a hillside then, simply get down on one knee and pop the question. As we hiked, i found a perfect spot. I laid out a blanket and all the items carefully. I am sure that I was acting a little weird but, oh well, lets do this. Just as I wanted to start ‘the speech’ a dog from across the valley started barking….LOUDLY. Irritated, i jumped up and said “Lets move to a different location”, “This if fine” she retorted. “No, it’s not” i replied. So off we went. As we are relocating, I am not sure at all what to do. We hiked up and down other ridges, i wanted a nice view of the lake but a place where it is quiet. Finally, i found a little spot and started this all over again. Nervously, i pulled the ring out, got down on one knee and asked her to be my bride. SHOCKED…..she  sat there and said nothing. Stunned for a few moments which seemed like months to me…she utter out one word…..YES!  YES?  YES!

We embraced and I almost fainted from the anticipation that lead up to that moment. The next day we drove into Manhattan to watch a broadway show for newlyweds called “I love you, your perfect, now change.”  It was one of the funniest shows I’ve ever seen.

If you are thinking of ‘proposing’ here are three simple thoughts.

1) Do your homework.

Find out what she would really like and stick to it. Discover what kind of ring she would like and try to get as close to that as possible. (within your budget)
Remember, this is more about her and less about you. If you deviate from ‘her’ desires then you navigate into selfishness. 
Be as dramatic and elaborate as you want to be as long as you keep her parameters in mind.

2) Get her parent’s approval.

I think it shows a lot about you and your character if you sit her parents down and respectfully ask her father’s permission to wed his daughter. This may have been a thing of the past but should not be so. It can be a bonding and relationship building exercise for you that will pay off in great dividends. 

3) Relax and enjoy.

Have fun. Hopefully you will only do this once in your lifetime. Put effort into it and have some fun. Even though I was nervous, it was fun. I think back and would not change a thing. It really spoke Pam’s love language. I paid attention to the detail of her desires. Had i not done that, it could have been a very awkward time for her. 


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