Great negotiator! Great marriage!

Negotiating may seem easy. You might think you’re great at it. Screen Shot 2014-11-13 at 7.58.12 AMThe truth is, you may be horrible and don’t even know it. The best way to find out if you are good at negotiating is to simply ask your spouse. Brace yourself for the answer.

Negotiating requires a specific environment in order for it to happen and happen well. The problem with most marriages is what I call “selfish” communication. We are very selfish in the way that we talk to each other. Interrupting, negative body language, rolling of the eyes, shaking of the head are all signs of  “selfish” communicating.

If we want to be a master of negotiation, we must simply grow up in our faith, our marriage and in ourselves. Mature couples are wonderful at this. By the way, you may be married over 30 years and stuck in the adolescent stage of your marriage. Just because you are ‘older’ does not mean you are mature.

So, what do we do? How do we set up an environment in which a wonderful negation can occur?

Simple:  See Below


Commit yourself to being calm no matter what.
The more hostile the other person is, the more quiet you speak.


Less is more. Too much talking turns you into a car salesman. (no offense) Nobody wants to be sold.


Be aware of your pride and selfishness. Keep humble with the end goal in mind.



Now that the environment is set up properly, negotiate on your issue using the following three steps.

One: Share what you want. Listen to what they want.

Two: Discuss Middle Ground. Both of you identify what steps you can take towards each other on the matter. List options.

Three: Agree to a Middle Ground Idea.
In Proverbs, the bible teaches that if we speak before we listen that we are fools. Don’t be a fool.



Husbands, be considerate with your wives, wives be careful with your husbands and a great negotiation will take place.
Remember two final thoughts: The work of marriage is found in negotiating and the joy of marriage is also found there.
Blessings be upon you.

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