“What is it about him, he constantly leaves his shoes on and walks all over the house” she retorted. “What is it about her, she constantly rides me to CLEAN…..CLEAN….CLEAN…..” he responded.

Sanguine | Choleric | Melancholy | Phlegmatic

Which one are you? What are these monstrosities? How does your personality impact your marriage?

READ MORE and find out.

Couples often wonder why their spouse intentionally ticks them off every day. My answer is, they don’t. Rarely is it intentional. Our personality drives 90% of our behavior.

God made us very different. Our DNA (hardwiring) is vastly different. Over 80% of couples marry someone with opposite personality traits. There is something about our opposite that draws us to our mate, we get married and then unravel all the frustrations that come with those opposites.


Sanguines are happy, fun, talkative people with great social connections. They tend to be messy, forgetful and occasionally un-dependable.


Cholerics are often leaders who are assertive, strong and focused on getting things done. They can be opinionated, bulldozers that justifies the means to any completed task. May get angry quicker than the others.


These are people who are deep thinkers, thoughtful, perfectionist driven and have an intolerance for mediocracy. They can be obsessive and easily wounded. At times they battle depression more than the others. Would rather be alone.


Phlegmatics are people who are laid back. Happy being behind the scene with a very quiet nature. They do not like conflict and tend to be everyone’s friend. They can lack motivation and can procrastinate.

Each personality has a list of strengths and weaknesses. None are better than the other. No matter what personality profile you take, they all point to four types and most people fall into ONE of the four as your dominant with a second personality close behind.

Sanguine’s opposite is the Melancholy.
Choleric’s opposite is the Phlegmatic.


Simple: Pray. Just kidding. (not really)

* Learn to embrace and appreciate the opposite personality you married. You need their involvement in your life similar to your need for oxygen.
* Their personality tempers yours. If your personality is left ‘unchecked’ it can become a real problem. Theirs often balances yours and makes you a ‘more rounded’ person.
* Don’t turn your differences into rights and wrongs, it is simply a difference in personality. Their hard wiring is no more right or wrong than your hard wiring.

ROMANS 5:2-4
2 through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. 3 Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope.

Your suffering during the ‘molding of two personalities’ produces perseverance then character which leads to hope.

Imagine living with someone EXACTLY like you. Ugh….

Lean into it. Embrace it. Appreciate it. Keep your good qualities, get rid of your bad.

SPECIAL NOTE: Pam is wired very different than me. I have learned to admire her so much. I need her desperately and have opened myself to her differences as she has opened up to mine. Because of her I am more organized, focused, responsible, safe, thoughtful, patient.

Because of me..she is more…..hmmm….let’s see….what can I say….well…….ok, here it is “she is more seasoned”.
Kidding, she has opened herself up to many things because of me that she may never have without me, fishing, hunting, motorcycling, etc. I know she has become very patient because of being married to me.

We both have adapted. Praise the Lord. What a beautiful place to be.

Have you adapted? Are you fighting it? “Stop it”

Be different.

Matt and Pam

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