What is the real issue behind all your issues? Have you ever wondered why your marriage isn’t thriving? Most of us blame our partner and keep our focus on their list of sins. My spouse has a temper. My spouse has a drinking problem. My spouse is a liar. The list goes on and on. Every item on your list may be true but are those issues the ‘root’ problem? Probably not.

The real issue: ONE BITTER ROOT of judgement.

Matthew 13:15 For this people’s heart has become calloused; they hardly hear with their ears, and they have closed their eyes. Otherwise they might see with their eyes, hear with their ears, understand with their hearts and turn, and I would heal them.’

Jesus is talking directly to us about the ROOT problem. Our hearts have grown hardened. In the same passage he gives us a solution.

PROBLEM: We allow one bitter root of judgement to grow in our hearts and it begins to close our eyes and ears to the truth. We then create a hardness towards others (and God) without even knowing it. We allow ‘others’ sins to shape our hearts. My sin never resolves someone else’s, it only compounds the problem. A bitter root judgement is when you judge someone who failed you or hurt you and your self-righteous judgement turns into bitterness. You may not even know you are doing it. Often that bitter root carries over into all of your relationships. It becomes your identity. Continue reading “BEWARE OF THE BITTER ROOT”

HELP! My Spouse Shut Down

Sandy woke up on a Saturday morning and filled her coffee cup with her favorite blend. It was a cold winter morning. Her husband was gone. He got up early and went to the gym. It had been weeks since they ‘talked’. Tim was growing more and more distant and Sandy didn’t know what to do. This family needed a hero.

Have you ever been there? The distance begins to grow between you and your spouse. You may have forgotten what started it and have no idea how to build a bridge back to each other. Let’s focus on three simple steps.

Continue reading “HELP! My Spouse Shut Down”

3 things to tell an angry child facing divorce.

Pam and I were enjoying a quiet night of reading when my phone rang. I picked it up only to hear a desperate man on the other end. “Matt, i need your help, my wife want’s a divorce, my sons are acting out and a friend gave me your phone number, can you help?” Continue reading “3 things to tell an angry child facing divorce.”

Top ten things NOT to say to someone wanting a divorce.

You are sitting at home and all of the sudden the phone rings, it’s your closest friend and they have bad news “I WANT OUT OF MY MARRIAGE”, you find yourself sitting there in shock not knowing what to say.


Here are the TOP TEN things NOT to say. 

ONE: “You deserve better”


The truth is, we all have horrible moments in our life and our marriages. None of us ‘deserve’ better during the times our spouses are acting terrible any more than we deserve it when our spouses are acting wonderful. That is not a fair card to play.

Continue reading “Top ten things NOT to say to someone wanting a divorce.”


 Marriage, sex, politics, homosexuality, transgender, republican or democrat, Christian or other?

The truth is, truth is polarizing. 

If you are like millions of Americans who are filled with anxiety as to where politics is taking us as a culture and as a nation, you are not alone. Let me give you three simple principles to stand on that may give you hope and clarity.


The wisdom that comes from the world is earthly, unspiritual, and demonic (James 3:15). It’s tempting to follow the advice of worldly wisdom because many times it seems to make sense—at least from man’s point of view. Yet the world’s wisdom only leads down the road of disappointment, regret, and pain. In contrast the wisdom of God brings us peace and direction for our lives. Continue reading “TRUTH is POLARIZING”


Have you ever went canoeing with your spouse? Do you remember the anxiety? “Paddle on the LEFT, NO, THE OTHER LEFT!” an angry husband yells at his wife then mutters under his breath.

I will never forget a time when we went canoeing with Craig and Janine, our very dear friends. We were in Florida visiting them and decided to float in canoes for a few miles down a river that was very narrow and was occupied with alligators. It seemed like a wonderful idea at the time.

Off we went with our lunch packed along with little blankets to find a beautiful place of refuge along the way to engage in pleasant par-takings of delightful snacks and relaxation. We were all doing quite well until I heard Janine yell out, “Left, left, left!”, then I heard a scream of terror. Poor Craig had no choice but let the current take them under overhanging tree limbs which were full of spider nests. Like raindrops, bundles of spiders fell into their canoe.

Spiders crawling all over you while trying to navigate a canoe in alligator infested waters would be the opposite of pleasant or delightful thoughts. I must admit, for a few seconds I was laughing out-loud.



Ever wonder if your marriage is in need of help?

Do you think it will somehow fix itself?

By the time many couples decide to get help, it’s over.

Women often give off little indicators they are not happy. Men tend not to respond at all either because we are blind, don’t care or we don’t think our wives are serious.


Negative Motivation VS Positive Motivation




Sandy couldn’t figure out what was wrong with her husband Joe. He had become distant and barely uttered three words to her in a sentence. “What’s wrong with you?” she proclaimed to an all familiar response, nothing. Joe just gave her the look.

While having coffee with her best friend, Sandy shared the situation. “Describe to me your typical discussion with Joe when you are trying to get him to do something, in other words what is your crazy cycle” her friend asked. Sandy then pondered their ‘crazy cycle’ and got out a sheet of paper to literally document it.

Continue reading “Negative Motivation VS Positive Motivation”

The Joy of Marriage

The Joy of Marriage

John noticed a happy couple laughing out-loud while they were strolling on the beach. It struck him deep as he pondered how long it had been since he and Becky laughed out-loud together. They had a good marriage but it lacked the spark it once had.

John was so compelled by this couple, he walked up to them and asked about their secret to a happy marriage. Their response shocked him.

Continue reading “The Joy of Marriage”